Worst Films I've seen in the Last 3 Years (15 titles)

Alone In The Dark

I mean every word I say; there is no description for the harrowing awfulness that is this film. Me and my friend watched for HUMOR and didn't even get it! This isn't even a straight-to-TV film, this is a soul-destroying example of badly placed music, zero acting and bad CG. The script - if you can call it that - will not allow you to laugh it is so dire, and you will never get the time spent on this film back.

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• Alone In The Dark on DVD (2005)
  Starring: Christian Slater,  Tara Reid,  Stephen Dorff
  Director: Uwe Boll
  Certificate:
  Based on the video game, Alone in the Dark focuses on Edward Carnby, a detective of the paranormal, who slowly unravels a mysterious events with deadly results.
  
  Rate this: 42% from 12,519 members

Ocean's Twelve

This film, as a sequel, can only be compared to its original predecessor which was a fun and ingenious star-studded hit. This is an abysmal "celebrity" film, were the stars themselves seem to bask in the limelight without a care in the world making the plot uninspiring and boring. And one thing that should never, ever be done in a film again, is to say Julia Roberts' character looks like Julia Roberts. Never again.

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• Ocean's Twelve on DVD (2004)
  Starring: George Clooney,  Brad Pitt,  Julia Roberts
  Director: Steven Soderbergh
  Certificate:
  Daniel Ocean recruits one more team member so he can pull off three major European heists in this sequel to Ocean's 11.
  
  Rate this: 54% from 76,487 members

National Treasure

With the success of The Da Vinci Code - the book at least - what better than to make a film that's a blatant rip off, except it's ALL AMERICAN. Watch as the relative class of Da Vinci Code is taken and smashed by the Hollywood machine. Jon Voight also seems to only be in this film to remind Nicholas Cage of the "status quo" constantly... as if it meant something.

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• National Treasure on DVD (2004)
  Starring: Nicolas Cage,  Diane Kruger,  Sean Bean
  Director: Jon Turteltaub
  Certificate:
  A treasure hunter is in hot pursuit of a mythical treasure that has been passed down for centuries, while his employer turned enemy is onto the same path that he's on.
  
  Rate this: 64% from 89,792 members

Crash

Why do people like this film? Why did it get Oscars? Well.. the latter is because it's all American I suppose and I've learned that ignoring the Oscars is a good idea. I nearly turned this off 25 minutes in, I am one who can handle bad films, but this was just ludicrous. Not only was it akin to someone beside you, poking you with a stick to make you cry, it is also the most terrible patch-work of various racist storylines which are all the same except for the races involved. The film is immediately tiring and repetitive. Couldn't they have focused on 2-3 characters instead of a dozen?

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• Crash on DVD (2005)
  Starring: Sandra Bullock,  Don Cheadle,  Matt Dillon
  Director: Paul Haggis
  Certificate:
  Crash is a powerful, moving and provocative drama following the intersecting lives of a diverse group of people in Los Angeles. Using a sophisticated, layered structure to tell the stories of a multi-racial group of characters as their lives inter-connect through a sequence of events around a car ..read more »
  
  Rate this: 72% from 100,436 members

Anchorman

I have a sense of humor, I love to watch things that are fun. Why people deem Anchorman funny I don't know. What do we have? A completely generic male/female competition story, News anchors, virtually every cartoon under the sun has comical News anchors. Throw in some utterly random stuff at the end with people being killed then suddenly not, as if they were desperate to make the film original with Python-esk humor. In the end it is just an awful mish-mash of ideas and the film is immediately lost as the style of comedy changes. You have to have more than "Look, he's retarded!" jokes to make me laugh.

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• Anchorman on DVD (2004)
  Starring: Will Ferrell,  Christina Applegate,  Paul Rudd
  Director: Adam McKay
  Certificate:
  It's the early 1970s and the local anchorman is not only a source of news but a revered local hero. In San Diego, Ron Burgundy (Will Ferrell), a moustachioed bachelor with a taste for scotch, unparalleled passion for the jazz flute, and a near-telepathic connection with his spirited mutt, Baxter, ..read more »
  
  Rate this: 63% from 46,294 members

Resident Evil - Apocalypse

Ahh, Resident Evil, great game and mediocre movie. What's worse is it's bred in some vile excuse like "resi fans will still see it". Not sure why as the films are a laughing stock and get progressively more irrelevant. The scare tactics invoked by the games is lost in the translation to film and replaced by meaningless action sequences. Personally.. they need to put some puzzle scenes in the films.. you know... pushing some blocks around and finding keys with playing card symbols etched on them ;)

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• Resident Evil - Apocalypse on DVD (2004)
  Starring: Milla Jovovich,  Sienna Guillory,  Oded Fehr
  Director: Alexander Witt
  Certificate:
  Alice (Milla Jovovich), one of only two survivors of a contained biochemical disaster, is still in the heart of Raccoon City. She has been subjected to biogenetic experimentation by the vast Umbrella Corporation and has super-human strengths, senses and dexterity. These skills, and more, will be ..read more »
  
  Rate this: 60% from 27,867 members

The Departed

Now.. I really liked Departed when I saw it in the cinema. Then I came back home and discovered it was a blatant rip-off of a perfectly good - and BETTER - Korean film which was already massively acclaimed a mere 2-3 years ago. So basically.. Hollywood saw this film and immediately set to work mimicking it so they can win awards?? Which they did, 4 Oscars... And mimicking as in.. copying word for word, except drawing it out an extra hour and making it boring in comparison. Watch Infernal Affairs, watch world cinema! I feel sorry for Scorsese that he needed to get his already deserved Oscar with this.

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• The Departed on DVD (2006)
  Starring: Jack Nicholson,  Matt Damon,  Leonardo DiCaprio
  Director: Martin Scorsese
  Certificate:
  Director Martin Scorsese returns to his trademark style with the violent, bruised, and bloody feature THE DEPARTED. Scorsese filched the basic storyline from Wai Keung Lau and Siu Fai Mak's masterful 2002 Hong Kong action film, INFERNAL AFFAIRS, which saw a policeman going undercover as a mob ..read more »
  
  Rate this: 77% from 86,205 members

Aeon Flux

Not sure what they were hoping to achieve with this film. There are plenty of lithe, sexy female characters they could have translated onto film, because that seems to be the only reason. Watch the animated Aeon Flux and you will see what I mean. It is something that cannot be turned into live-action; the animation is a specific art style and completely unique. Peter Chung's style makes it what it is. The film *may* be passable but it is nothing like Aeon Flux.

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• Aeon Flux on DVD (2005)
  Starring: Charlize Theron,  Marton Csokas,  Jonny Lee Miller
  Director: Karyn Kusama
  Certificate:
  Karyn Kusama, the writer-director of GIRLFIGHT, the story of a tough female boxer, turns her attentions to a tough female superhero in AEON FLUX. Based on a series of animated shorts that aired on MTV, the live-action feature film version stars Charlize Theron, in jet black hair, as the secret ..read more »
  
  Rate this: 55% from 31,176 members

A History of Violence

A History of Violence, what a cinema outing that was... I must admit Cronenberg has finally put me off his films completely. I liked eXistenZ a great deal, but this film was complete lunacy. Controversy for controversy's sake. It isn't good unpleasant, it isn't even bad unpleasant, it's just meaningless violence that's cobbled together with paper thin characterisation. Like a violent porn film, one atrocious act followed by another (be it murder by shooting, frontal nudity, sex, murder again) separated by pointless chatter and sub-par story telling.

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• A History of Violence on DVD (2005)
  Starring: Viggo Mortensen,  Maria Bello,  William Hurt
  Director: David Cronenberg
  Certificate:
  Tom Stall (Viggo Mortensen) is living a happy and quiet life with his lawyer wife (Maria Bello) and their two children in the small town of Millbrook, Indiana, but one night their idyllic existence is shattered when Tom foils a vicious attempted robbery in his diner. Sensing danger, he takes action ..read more »
  
  Rate this: 64% from 73,010 members

Ultraviolet

It's sad to see the director of Equilibrium couldn't keep it up. Ultraviolet is nothing. Not only does it stoop so low as to pretend it's based on a comic book, but it has Vampires who do nothing vampiric the entire time. Also the characters regularly ask themselves "What am I doing?" What are you doing indeed?

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• Ultraviolet on DVD (2006)
  Starring: Milla Jovovich,  Cameron Bright,  Nick Chinlund
  Director: Kurt Wimmer
  Certificate:
  In the mid-21st century, a virus has turned part of the earth's population into hemophages, vampire-like creatures with heightened speed and dexterity, and a fascist government is intent on stamping them out. Enter Violet (Milla Jovovich), a hemophage determined to fight for her people. Her battle ..read more »
  
  Rate this: 49% from 17,133 members

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