Alexander Details

[Highly rated reviewer]

What Was Mr. Stone THINKING?

Alexander is essentially about this Russian sounding babe (played by Ms. Jolie) who marries into this big Oirish family, is driven to preferring snakes because her husband only has one eye, and begins dying her little boy's hair blonde. Then it all kicks off, Colin Farrell gets his eyebrows bleached and goes off in a flouncy tamtrum to conquer the world. Meanwhile Jared Leto stands around with a twisty Cher hairdo, gazing longingly at bottle-blondie Colin, who every now and then gazes back with tears in his eyes and whispers 'Oy cahnt live if livin' is without you...'

So anyway, about half way through that really handsome guy from The Book Group (the one in the wheelchair) and those porridge commercials shows up, but he has a different hairdresser... he stands around alot, proving that sensible haircuts WERE possible in ancient times. I think he loses his razor at one point, but finds it again eventually... later Tim Piggott-Smith has to smush his hands around inside a dead animal, but they cut all his lines, so of course it all makes PERFECT sense.

Then the elephants come.

As bad as they say

I couldn't believe this film was as bad as the critics said at the time of release. After all Oliver Stone can be a great director, it's a huge story and excellent cast. Now I know the critics were being kind. It's worse than I could have imagined.

There are so many things wrong with this film It's difficult to know which to highlight. the jolly jacktar Oirish accents of the Greek boys spring to mind. You really do expect them to say 'Ta be sure' and start dancing a jig like some mad spoof of a Hollywood epic.

This is an Alexander you care nothing for. Many of the scenes are dislocated and mis-directed. There is maybe a couple of minutes worth of decent imagery in the whole 2 1/2 hours. Overall though you get the feeling that for all Stone's bluster he forgot one simple rule of film-making - actually telling a story. The flashbacks and Hopkins' laboured narrating only serve to muddy the events, not explain them. A misfire, ta be sure!