Horrific - but not for the right reasons.
By Darth Egregious
, 12 Aug 2005
This was dreadful - there's no other word for it. We'll take it story by story, but I'll try not to spoil it for those die hard King fans who are determined to watch this rubbish. Story one - James Woods joins the sinister Quitters Inc. to help him stop smoking. However, it does this by watching him at all times - should they see him light up, they will torture his daughter, and if he does it again, they'll arrange to have his wife raped. Nice. The second story sees Robert 'Surely you can't be serious' Hays gambling for his life by trying to edge round the ledge of a tall building, forced to do so by the gangster who's wife he ran off with. The third story is the worst - Drew Barrymore is a child menaced by a monster which lives in her wall. In each of these stories an anonymous tabby plays a crucial role, hence the title. Now in total fairness the acting in each is not bad. What traumatised me is the incompetent mix of crass symbolism and sheer banality. For example, in the first story, Woods is at a party where he hallucinates dancing cigarette cartons, while the evil owner of Quitters Inc. sashays down the stairs in a silver jumpsuit to the sounds of 'Every Breath You Take.' Subtle. The Hays segment is completely lacking in suspense - you know he's got to make it round the building so there can be the traditional twist at the end, so why take so long about it? And then the final story, so wildly inappropriate in this triptych that it beggars belief. Imagine - you've sat there for over an hour now. A man has had his wife threatened with rape, while another...well I won't spoil the end but it didn't turn out well for everyone. And then you are presented with a story where the evil monster threatening a child looks like its on day release from the set of 'Labyrinth.' How is that in any way scary? Ends not with a bang but with a whimper - and by whimper I mean the song playing over the end credits, which apparently exists only to prove that 'Rock You Like a Hurricane' by The Scorpions is not the most 80's song ever made.
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