Kiss Me Monster

Connoisseurs only ...

Hilarious - if that is a way in which you can look at auch films. Even within the oeuvre of Jesus Franco this is the worst piece of work I have yet seen. There are, I admit, plenty which I have yet to see ...

Strongly recommended!

Someone really should have persuaded him not to act in his own films ... but he enjoyed it! (That was him, looking a bit better shaved than usual, was it not?)

Here we have the ultimate in poor plotting, dreadful script, appalling dubbing, lip synch. non-existent ... how I wish that producers could be persuaded to pay for good sub-titles, and to allow us to hear the real voices of the actors ... many GOOD films have been ruined by dubbing.

The script, translated from I am not sure which languages, is lame, is read woodenly and totally unconvincingly in a poor sub-U.S. accent . The script, the timing and the accentuation all subvert the intended meaning of what is said, to the point at which what you hear runs contrary to what, presumably, was intended. I admired every moment of it!

For much of the time here I was not sure who was who or what was going on. Marvellous!

The story? - oh well ... read the published synopsis, and you get something that sounds more or less coherent ... I could detect little of the sort in the film itself. The scene cutting is jerky, incoherent and confusing rather than explanatory; similarly, the dialogue between the two leading actresses is generally embarrassing rather than witty, jerkily delivered and frequently more or less meaningless. Was Jesus Franco intending a spoof? - If so, a very unwise step. You cannot possibly make a recognisable spoof with his habitual incoherence. He loves filming, give him the full credit for that, he loves cameras, but visually I found little to treasure here. We do not even get Lina Romay!

The synopsis lists nude swimming ... it was filmed at some distance and did not look naked to me; similarly, I failed to detect the lesbiansim among the terrorists, while the stripping and whipping were pretty restrained: I do not personally relish any of these, but the performance was, shall I say, perfunctory. Is some of the jerkiness of this version due to vigorous censorship of something more lurid? It is only 73 minutes long ... marvellous on every count.

I wish we might give zero, or even negative, ratings!

As cinematic trash goes this is a humdinger. Even to say it has a preposterous plot is to endow it with an undeserved dignity. The acting is abominable, the dubbing woeful and the continuity so poor its not even laughable. If you're addicted to turkeys add it to your list. If you have the slightest care for your time AVOID.