Red Sonja

This is a classic film from an era when films like Conan the Barbarian rose to popularity; romantic notions of travelling swordsmen and high magic, gods and vengeance.

In other words, some truly, truly cheesy stuff. You'll see some of the worst acting you've ever seen out of Schwarzenegger, a lead actress whose lines will literally make you wince, a child actor that proves the age-old adage, special effects that were bad at the time the film was made (let alone the improvements in the intervening years) and more stereotypes than you can shake a stick at.

However, if you're looking at this film, you're already the kind of person who loves B-movie Science Fiction and Fantasy films, and you're not going to beat this for quality, scope, and hammy cellulose fun.

Let yourself go, and revel in it.

Once upon a time there was a film, called Conan; it did reasonably well enough at the box office for people to try to cash in on its look and feel. And so, Red Sonja was born. It’s a kind of spin-off of Conan and, apparently, the producers actually wanted Conan to appear. He didn’t. So they cast Schwarzenegger as him anyway and made up a new name for him.

Brigitte Nielsen takes the title role and, to be fair, she fits the part – not only physically, but from what I’ve seen of her on various reality TV shows, she is pretty scary too. I wouldn’t cross her (or kill her entire family). After her affore-mentioned, ill-fated inlaws are murdered by Queen Gedren (a baddie so evil she keeps oversize animatronic spiders as pets and has her own junior chemistry set in her lair) she goes off on a quest for revenge. Along the way she meets various colourful characters, fights monsters, kills multiple baddies who courteously attack her one at a time and even gets all wetted down for us lads by fighting a beastie in a rock pool.

Red Sonja wasn’t a hit at the box office. It is indeed a poor man’s Conan. The Conan films got over their ropey dialogue by barely having any – something Red Sonja could have learnt from. It is the dialogue that lets it down. The acting is pretty wooden. However, it still has enough charm and gusto in it to make it worth a watch either on a lazy Saturday afternoon, or if you’re tired after work and don’t want to think too hard about plot etc.

Luckily for me, I never think too hard about films. If I do they confuse me. I got bamboozaled by the plot of A View To A Kill. Therefore Red Sonja is probably meant for me – at least until the much rumoured remake comes out starring Rose McGowan.

I understand that this film did poorly at the box office and has been generally mocked and despised by critics - poor acting, manky plot and so on; I also note that the few reviews we have here are uniformly positive or even enthusiastic. As a cultural snob, let me join the enthusiasts. I love it. Arnold Schwarzenegger and Brigitte Nielsen are accused of wooden acting? - Well, look at the cast list – how many of them actually speak English as a first language? But that misses the point: this film is a cartoon, with a series of lively episodes: great fun: a stylised presentation. Perfectly right. The scant dialogue and sketchy delivery keep everything on course: put in too much realism and the whole thing blows apart. Phantasy and reality do not sit easily together. The stupidly low Rotten Tomato ratings seem to me to show simply a naive lack of discrimination – they miss the point. The acting is gauche and naïve? - well, that almost always does describe Arnold Schwarzenegger, but just as, while a Republican governor of California, he has demonstrated decidedly intelligent, even liberal, traits, so in his film rôles you can always detect something more behind the naïveté. The same fits Brigitte Nielsen. The whole film feels as if it had its tongue in its cheek: I warm to that. Just accept the phantasy conventions and enjoy it! - A lot of it is rather well done.

Just as I feel that there is a bit more than the surface to Arnold Schwarzenegger, so, in all the violent action - and some genuinely nasty brutality when you look at it at all thoughtfully - there is a thread of humanity, compassion and even wit running through the film. I am still a snob and I still love it. If you want to think more deeply, consider the two faced love of 'freedom' proclaimed in the USA alongside a tendency to bigotry and conflict resolution by violence ... Red Sonja helps me to feel sympathetic. Are WE any better? Enjoy the film! Some of the supporting acting - not, alas, Sandahl (she is better than this) - is excellent.

The “water sports” sequence with the Killing Machine is pretty impressive if you stop and think what must have been involved in trying to film it at all!

Must remark – the film quality in my copy seemed rather poor: uneven: dim and murky lighting and colour in several sequences.

Apologies for prolixity; I have merged comments from two separate viewings.

I think this falls squarely into the category of a 'Marmite' film - you'll either love it or hate it. Despite the dated special effects and the wooden acting of Arnie & Brigitte - I absolutely loved it! Medieval-style fantasy films (such as Conan) are great and this is a classic along the same lines. From sword-wielding warriors to evil queens, vengeful vixens to giant spiders, this film has it all! Laugh off the obvious inadequacies and enjoy the ride!