It reminds me of that old Star Wars quote...
, 30 May 2013
Whos the more foolish? The fool, or the fool who follows him? Thats how I feel. I wonder whos more to blame the film-makers, for making this awful movie, or me for being stupid enough to expect it to be okay. Now, anyone who chooses to watch a film with words like chainsaw and massacre is its title should, hopefully, know what theyre getting. We know its never going to be high-art with deep, high-brow, Oscar-worthy performances. However, what we do hope is that it will at least be an entertaining entry into the slasher genre. The Texas Chainsaw 3D isnt. First of all, I actually quite liked Michael Bays 2003 remake and even found something strangely enjoyable about the prequel The Beginning so my hopes were reasonably high for this. Its worth noting that it totally disregards both recent outings and goes straight back to the beginning, i. e. its a direct sequel to the 1973 original. We see the aftermath of the first film, where angry locals destroy the cannibals house, all but a young girl, whos saved. Now, this is where it gets confusing... the story picks up 20-odd years later when the girl is (clearly) in her early twenties, which, by my calculations, sets the film in about 1995. Yet the exact year (and we know this by the gravestones) is 2012, complete with iphones etc to prove it. Anyway, glossing over that plot inconsistency, were treated to more of the same... only worse. Considering this is based on the movie that some might argue spawned the entire slasher genre, it plays into every single cliché going. Seriously... in this day and age, where the premise of a couple having sex then dying horribly has been so widely lampooned, i. e. Scream and Cabin in the Woods, why are film-makers still using it? Again, the clichés could be forgiven if you cared for the characters. You wont. But there could be some decent gore for us to enjoy? There isnt. The gore looks totally fake and completely CGI (youll find better special effects on a made-for-TV movie). What about the story, does it add anything to the genre? Yes and No. It tries. However, everything new it comes up with is completely unbelievable and stupid. I wont spoil it for you as there are some things you may not expect to find in a movie like this. Sadly, theyre all too far-fetched to be believable. What could have been a decent attempt to make a sequel to a classic has fallen well short, due to bad special effects, no likeably characters and a completely idiotic story. As they say in Scream 4 Never mess with the original.
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