The Calcium Kid (2004) DVD Reviews

Starring	Orlando Bloom, Billie Piper, Ronni Ancona, Omid Djalili
Director	Alex De Rakoff
Genres	Comedy

Critics' reviews (4) of The Calcium Kid
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Orlando Bloom fails to blossom in his first post-Lord of the Rings release, playing a milkman-turned-boxer in a dire British comedy that completely lacks bottle. The daft premise has Bloom so fond of the white stuff he delivers that his bones have become rock hard as a result. When Bloom accidentally KOs Britain's top challenger in a sparring match, he becomes the next in line for a shot at the world title. Reminiscent of the 1936 Harold Lloyd vehicle The Milky Way (remade in 1946 with Danny Kaye as The Kid from Brooklyn), this feels a tad old hat and is ploddingly predictable, while Bloom is wasted in a role that requires him to do little more than look vacantly cute.
- Radio Times
- Posted 29 Jan 2006
When British contender Pete Wright (Hassan) is KO'd from a title fight with world champ Jose Mendes (Peña), dodgy... read more on Time Out
- Time Out
- Posted 04 Nov 2008
Dim-witted documentary-style comedy that lacks a killer punch.
- Halliwell's Film Guide
- Posted 02 Mar 2006
Most helpful members' reviews (3) of The Calcium Kid
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14 out of 16 people found this review helpful

Orlando Bloom fans only

Straight from the start it's clear that Orlando Bloom is very uncomfortable - as was I watching it! This kind of comedy is clearly not his strong point. The script was bad, the acting was poor. The film really doesn't have much going for it. Only rent if you are a die hard Orlando fan.
- - A customer from East Lothian, Scotland
  - Posted 19 Jul 2004 22:11
5 out of 6 people found this review helpful

Brilliant

Although having no expectations about this film it is better than I could have anticipated.

I watched it with friends and they had not heard about the film and loved it straight away. The plot might not be very original but very good and also very funny. I wish I could have seen it in the cinema and will definitely recommend it to all my friends.

They might want to put some subtitles with it for the non - UK viewers.
- - kittiekat from Leeds
  - Posted 27 Sep 2004 16:34
3 out of 3 people found this review helpful

Passes the time

Not the best but certainly not the worst film you'll ever see. It's worth watching if you like British cinema.

On par with "Shooting Fish" for laughs/production.
- - DanDDRLFC from South Yorkshire
  - Posted 31 Oct 2004 22:52
Most recent members' reviews (2) of The Calcium Kid
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1 out of 1 person found this review helpful

good fun but slow

This film was light hearted and good fun however the acting was some what wooden and the story at times dragged on. I found myself looking at my watch
- - perrin1 from Lincolnshire
  - Posted 16 Dec 2005 12:16
1 out of 1 person found this review helpful

embarassing!

this 'film' represents british comedy at its upmost worst all the jokes miss by miles, the timing is pathetic i do not understand how this film ever got made it is truly awful. i was at least hoping for a few good fight scenes but i was denied this.please i urge you do not rent this car wreck of a film. i thank god i didnt waste a trip to the cinema to witness it.
- - A customer from cardiff
  - Posted 30 Apr 2005 08:58

14 out of 16 people found this review helpful

Orlando Bloom fans only

Straight from the start it's clear that Orlando Bloom is very uncomfortable - as was I watching it! This kind of comedy is clearly not his strong point. The script was bad, the acting was poor. The film really doesn't have much going for it. Only rent if you are a die hard Orlando fan.
- - A customer from East Lothian, Scotland
  - Posted 19 Jul 2004 22:11
5 out of 6 people found this review helpful

Brilliant

Although having no expectations about this film it is better than I could have anticipated.

I watched it with friends and they had not heard about the film and loved it straight away. The plot might not be very original but very good and also very funny. I wish I could have seen it in the cinema and will definitely recommend it to all my friends.

They might want to put some subtitles with it for the non - UK viewers.
- - kittiekat from Leeds
  - Posted 27 Sep 2004 16:34
3 out of 3 people found this review helpful

Passes the time

Not the best but certainly not the worst film you'll ever see. It's worth watching if you like British cinema.

On par with "Shooting Fish" for laughs/production.
- - DanDDRLFC from South Yorkshire
  - Posted 31 Oct 2004 22:52
3 out of 4 people found this review helpful

Sarf London Comedy Moment

I didn't have high expectations of this film, but there are some moments in it that are pure gold. The characters are exaggerated but if you know south london, you'll see the funnier side of this story....worth a watch on a sunday afternoon..
- - Tina from east London
  - Posted 22 Nov 2004 11:19
3 out of 4 people found this review helpful

Worth a look

This was a fun film. It was silly British humour with the oh so fit Orlando Bloom in it (and if it sponsored by the milk people it should have been!). It?s definitely worth watching for a few giggles (and to see Orlando with his top off!), but no classic.
- - Mark Adams from Manchester, England
  - Posted 02 Dec 2004 12:48
3 out of 4 people found this review helpful

Isn't milk great!

Great fun and games with this comedy come boxing documentary (Rocky) film.

Lots of laughs along the way as the Calcium Kid (with a C) drinks his milk and takes on the world champion of boxing, the chosen one.

Shame about the slight languange and sexual jokes (how many pro's at the gym do you have on the books - non they are legitimate escort girls) meant it got a 15 rating.

Otherwise brilliant!
- - Stivey from East Yorkshire
  - Posted 06 Oct 2004 12:26
2 out of 2 people found this review helpful

Pleasant time waster

When Jimmy Connelly, milkman by trade, accidentally injures a boxer a week before his major fight against an undefeated champion, he is brought into the seedy world of boxing and in particular, promotion. This is provided by Herby Bush (Omid Djalali).

Shot inbetween the last Lord of the Rings and Pirates of the Caribbean, it languished on the shelf for a year before its release.

Presumably to cash in on Orlando Bloom's success and more importantly his female fanbase.

There are a few laughs, but after it short running time (80+ minutes), you feel you've watched an elongated sitcom, with cliched characters and stereotypes.

One for the after pub mob, and obviously Bloom's fans, although I wouldn't recommend it to anyone under 15.
- - Stephen Lindsay from Northern Ireland
  - Posted 07 Jan 2005 17:24
2 out of 2 people found this review helpful

Funny and endearing

I liked this film. A gently ambling brit comedy with plenty of laugh-out-loud moments. The supporting cast in particular raised a few chuckles; Omid Djalali was great as the irrepresible Herbie Bush while Ronnie Ancona as the 'massage therapist' mum and the guy playing the best mate had some great lines. Someone described this as a Sunday afternoon flick and I would probably agree. Good fun, not too taxing!
- - Kelly from London
  - Posted 04 Apr 2005 12:29
2 out of 2 people found this review helpful

crap

not worth watching its orlando blooms worst film to date
- - A customer from england
  - Posted 15 Sep 2005 09:43
2 out of 2 people found this review helpful

If you hate milk.....

You'll definitely want to love milk after this film. I thought although the story was fairly predictable, it was a very good advert for milk! I just wanted to drink loads of it after watching the film.

Can't say much more about the film other than it's very British...
- - sandz from coventry
  - Posted 17 May 2005 12:32

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Critics' reviews (4)
Orlando Bloom fails to blossom in his first post-Lord of the Rings release, playing a milkman-turned-boxer in a dire British comedy that completely lacks bottle. The daft premise has Bloom so fond of the white stuff he delivers that his bones have become rock hard as a result. When Bloom accidentally KOs Britain's top challenger in a sparring match, he becomes the next in line for a shot at the world title. Reminiscent of the 1936 Harold Lloyd vehicle The Milky Way (remade in 1946 with Danny Kaye as The Kid from Brooklyn), this feels a tad old hat and is ploddingly predictable, while Bloom is wasted in a role that requires him to do little more than look vacantly cute.
- Radio Times
- Posted 29 Jan 2006
When British contender Pete Wright (Hassan) is KO'd from a title fight with world champ Jose Mendes (Peña), dodgy... read more on Time Out
- Time Out
- Posted 04 Nov 2008
Dim-witted documentary-style comedy that lacks a killer punch.
- Halliwell's Film Guide
- Posted 02 Mar 2006
"...Gotta Lotta Bottle..."
- Daily Mirror
- Posted 11 Mar 2005