The Mutant Chronicles Details

A waste on the big screen

I would urge anyone to wait for this on dvd, as the big screen experience truly ruins its potential for several reasons.

Every jarringly bad and repetive crab hand kill shows how ropey the CG is. The other people in the audience get rather annoyed when you splutter with laughter into your pocorn at the atrocious dialouge and plot exposition. The cold dread of standing under a 30 foot tall Ron Perlman with the camera angle shoved up his already gargantuan nostrils. The creeping terror in the pit of your stomach that maybe someone stole this story out of the notebook of sci-fi movies you used to write in school when you were 15 and this is all now some elaborate joke that all your childhood termentors have now come back to play on you by making this into a film and proving to the world that none of the girls should kiss you and everyone thinks you smell.

This is a film that should be enjoyed in darkened room with a small group of like minded friends with open minds to such dreadful monstrous deeds of cinema as dracula 3000, house of the dead and southland tales.

I feel I may be overstating the fact slightly, but I left this film after 48 minutes (by the time the 3rd voiceover to further the plot came in) and I have sat through the entirety of various other terrible films in the cinema. This is only up there with curly sue starring james belushi. Well done simon hunter.

I have already got it reserved under my masochism range. That is why 1 star, as i know i will watch it again. I hate myself.

[Highly rated reviewer]

Oh dear

How can a film with so much action and FX be so boring!

Perhaps it's because i'm in the middle of playing through Resident Evil 4 (again) but this just felt like one big 'cut scene'.

The plot holes are massive and, like a cut scene, you really couldn't care less.

And it started off so well. The whole 1st world war thing with the trenches and retro technology felt like this was going to be up there with Hellboy and other 'grown up' comic book adaptations. But then it all just turned to sh#t! It's also funny how quickly they managed to kill off most of the British cast so early on.

This would make a great game, and Devon Aoki is as hot as ever, but don't waste your time.