The Untouchables

I watched this film with growing concern, lest any new parent take it as a guide to how to manoeuvre a laden pram and luggage up a long staircase. The technique on display was inept bordering on risible, and mum was very lucky that her expedition did not end in tragedy. The better approach is first, plan your journey, checking that lifts or escalators are available. Second, if not, do not be shy in asking for help. The able bodied are generally willing. Third, if this fails, turn the pram around so that the infant can see you, then carry the luggage to the stop of the stairs. While there is a slim chance of an opportunistic kidnapping, the chances are remote. You can always drop the luggage if you need to set off in pursuit. Finally, return for the child and pram. Again, there is a (probably greater) chance of opportunistic theft, but this is worth running. What was on display here was a parent so fearful of leaving child or luggage that she attempted to move all simultaneously (two bags and one pram), one step at a time. No wonder that progress was so painfully slow and precarious that she got caught up in a gunfight. That (lengthy and central) scene apart, this is a simplistic tale of goodies catching baddies. De Niro was underemployed, basically giving a series of cameos and given no actual dialogue. Nice clothes from Armani, though.

This is one of my best films. From the lovely wife of Elliot Ness to the gorgous Connery. And dont forget Andy Garcia. Wow.

It got slightly better half way through but at the beginning of the film I seriously thought Ennio Morricone had written the music for a different film (Superman 5?) and the Sound Editors used it here anyway. Very off-putting.

Terrible script,tired plot, unconvincing dialogues and situations... shame, as it did sound promising given De Niro is in it

I had really high hopes for this film, and was quite excited to see it. It has a reputation for being one of the best gangster movies ever made, but unfortunately I was left very disappointed.

The Love Film official synopsis for the film is mind-boggling. Basically, everything it says is the exact opposite of how the film actually is. Far from being a dark, gritty, convincing gangster movie, it's actually rather 'Hollywood', with stupid clichés, a terrible soundtrack, and some downright awful scenes.

Kevin Costner is agent Ness, assigned with the task of catching Al Capone, who pretty much runs the city. Assuming then that Ness has risen up through the police ranks to be one of the city's top agents, he somehow acts like a lost child and cannot function without the help of Sean Connery, a low-rank beat cop who ends up running the show. Again, one would assume that Connery is not particularly smart or good at his job, to be at the bottom of the police career ladder at his age, but no - he immediately takes charge of Ness and leads him charging around the city blindly with shotguns, delivering clichéd cop advice to the city's top agent. These two highly unbelievable characters are central to the story.

I should mention that Sean Connery is supposed to be Irish, but he does the worst Irish accent you've ever heard. It's basically his normal Scottish accent.

To further the already unbelievable plot, Ness decides to add two more members to his crack team of vigilantes. One, a hot-headed young Italian recruit who is the best shot in the academy (no clichés there then), and then a small, nerdy accountant who has likely never seen any police action in his life. I couldn't believe how stupid this idea was, but no - let's give him a shotgun and go shoot some bad guys.

The only good character is Robert DeNiro as Al Capone. He is convincing as always, and his scenes are the only ones I was genuinely taken in and mesmerised by. Unfortunately, there aren't enough scenes with him in, and when he does have a scene, they are very short and it feels like they are not really entwined with the rest of the film.

The last thing I feel I should mention is the soundtrack and camera work. It's laughable. At times, the music really ruins a scene that could be dark and chilling, by being surprisingly upbeat and not in any way epic. The gruesome violence that is an essential part of a convincing gangster movie is continually spoiled and toned down by a strange and misplaced soundtrack. I feel like I just saw someone get bludgeoned to death, but it's OK, there's some music playing over the top so it can't be that bad. The way some of the scenes are shot is pretty bad too, with terrible zooming in on people's faces, and some awful slow motion 'action' shots (the action is pretty poor).

All in all, I was really hoping for something that stands with Goodfellas and Casino, two of the greatest movies of all time. Unfortunately, The Untouchables doesn't even come close. I feel like it would be more accurately grouped with modern Hollywood action cop movies. At least when you watch one of those movies, you know you're going to get clichés and you just enjoy it for the entertainment factor. The Untouchables believes it is far more brooding, dark and epic than it really is.