A 12 year old boys school project?
, 11 Jul 2013
THIS REVIEW CONTAINS SPOILERS
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To quote the timeless Chuckle Brothers, 'Oh dear. Oh dear, oh dear.' The first 15 minutes or so is 'cool' with lots of 'banging tunes' and people taking their clothes off. This is so that the kidz watching can 'feel the vibe' and 'relate' to the main characters. To those of us who aren't 12 year old boys (and there is nothing wrong with being a 12 year old boy!) or like other kinds of music (or at least decent techno), it's a painful reminder of how some directors think their audiences are a bunch of morons. The characters lack, well, character. The rest of the film appears to be a man fighting other men whilst an alien space ship, which looks like something my mates daughter made at school, hovers above doing entirely nothing. The characters embark on an epic trek, similar to one that my Nan does each Wednesday (supermarket, garage) and encounter lots of bad men who are massively stereotypical. When my mates daughters art project starts to light up our bunch of unfortunates (in that they a - Are being chased by aliens and b - Were chosen to 'act' in this film) run to a random barn where Jean Claude Van Damme is hiding. Whether or not Van Damme meant to be in the film or whether it was his English holiday in real life and the film crew just burst in on him I'm not sure. Lots of people then swear a lot and one of them is an alien. I normally shy away from having a pop at the actors but a couple of the lead ones were shocking. The supporting cast were worse. Keep an eye out for the newsreader near the start and the racist chavs outside the supermarket and try and imagine worse acting. You won't be able to! The concept of a modern day British War Of The Worlds would be appealing if it wasn't so badly written. Stutters from scene to scene so you fall asleep halfway through giving you nothing mentally or visually to keep you awake (except the blonde girls chest). The chest, along with the bloke who plays the guy who lives next to the main six characters and drives off in the car, are the best things about this shocker.
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