Blades of Glory

Real men do skate - just ask Kyran Bracken - but even he might think twice about some of the routines Will Ferrell performs here - with unlikely pairs partner Jon Heder. Not to mention some of the costumes. How much spandex, sparkle and feather trim can one man take?

Like most Ferrell heroes, Chazz Michael Michaels is oblivious to any reality beyond his own subjectivity. In his mind's eye (and it must be said, the movie takes him at face value) Chazz is 'sex on ice', the bad boy of figure skating, a charismatic free-styler closer to John McEnroe than Robyn Cousins. (With his shoulder length locks and paunchy sex god persona, he reminded me of Val Kilmer's Jim Morrison in The Doors.)

Heder is Jimmy MacElvoy, Chazz's fiercest rival and polar opposite: a classical skater who embodies the elegance, grace and beauty of the sport - the Jayne Torvill type. The first time we see him strut his stuff he's wearing his famous purple peacock combination, complete with tail-feathers and glove puppet.

When raunchy, rebellious Chazz has to share the winners' podium with winsome, antiseptic Jimmy, push comes to shove and they are soon trading blows in front of shocked fans and dignitaries - and a TV audience of millions. They're both banned from the sport for life - except that three years later, the two washouts realize there is a loophole in the ruling. They could still compete, but only if they team up as a pair.

It's an irresistibly silly idea (though not one the International Olympics Committee is likely to countenance any time soon) and Blades Of Glory knows just where the comedy gold is hidden. "What do you two have that the other teams don't?" demands grizzled coach Craig T Nelson. "Two dongs," intuits Chazz.

Exactly.

Ferrell - who French kissed Sacha Baron Cohen in Talledega Nights and who has stripped off in everything except Elf (it feels like) - knows that sexual humiliation earns big yuks.

The film's artfully choreographed guy-on-guy action is a reliable laugh riot. In what must be considered the movie's money shot, Ferrell grits his teeth and gingerly hoists his partner above his head by his crotch. 'Like figure skating isn't already gay enough,' comments one vox pop bystander.

Turns out that despite his penchant for pastel turtlenecks and blond Donnie Osmond barnet, Jimmy isn't homosexual, just inexperienced. Thus a romantic subplot is combined with a scheme to scupper the boys' chances orchestrated by creepy pairs champs Stranz and Fairchild Van Waldenberg (Will Arnett and Amy Poehler), ersatz heavies in matching pink tulle (hats off to costume designer Julie Weiss, who clearly had herself a ball).

Refreshingly, Blades of Glory permits its hetero heroes to get beyond the wince factor and bond - and not just in a fist fight either. The climax hinges on their mutual trust, that Jimmy can execute a perfect 'Iron Lotus' move without also executing his partner. (Mis-time it by a fraction of a second, and heads will roll.)

Although he doesn't get script credit and he's not working with regular collaborator Adam McKay here (it's actually co-directed by Josh Gordon and Will Speck), Ferrell is unmistakably the senior partner in the relationship. Chazz might be Ricky Bobby's second cousin, but Ferrell's flamboyant oafs remain endearing for their guileless childishness, "mind-bottlingly" surreal way with words, and the star's willingness to let it all hang out ("I thought you'd like to see what a real skater's body looks like," he says in his customary near-nude scene. Uh, no thanks.)

I can't say I've warmed to Heder yet, but he holds up his end in the petulant squabbles that make up the bulk of the off-ice time, and appears to know his lutz from his salchow. And there are some witty albeit brief supporting turns from William Fichtner as Jimmy's none-too-affectionate adoptive father and Craig T Nelson as their coach (with a bit of luck there will be more from these on the DVD extras).

Blades of Glory takes a soft target and runs rings around it for 93 amusing minutes. Fans of Zoolander and the estimable Talladega Nights should lap it up.

Tom Charity
tom.charity@lovefilm.com

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