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Sweet Nothings: The LOVEFiLM Lovers’ Guide
The movies have always been a valuable source of information for impressionable young minds eager to discover the secrets of the opposite sex, and, even more importantly, how to attract them. With Valentine's coming up and romance in the air, we thought it was high time to collect the best insights Hollywood has to offer on finding your perfect mate, dating do's and don'ts, setting the mood, and getting (more) serious. No matter what your current romantic predicament, you can be sure the movies have something to say on the subject, and that's where the LOVEFiLM LOVERS' GUIDE comes in, pointing you towards your heart's desire. Meeting Mr/Ms. Right
Everybody has to start somewhere. But be wary. Go through a dating agency or pore over the classifieds, you may as well be advertising for a serial killer (Sea of Love; Perfect Stranger; Death Proof), or at best a sex pervert (Little Children). That is, unless the ad has been placed a close relative, in which case there's a slim chance of a happy ending (Because I Said So), but only if the two symbiotic fundamental laws of movie romance also apply: i) "Meet Cute" ii) Opposites Attract Contrary to what you may understand from the real world, the less you have in common, the better. In real life, for example, rich people most often stick with their own kind. In the movies, the wealthy, "appropriate" fiancé is always destined to be jilted (Pirates of the Caribbean; Everyone Says I Love You; Shakespeare in Love; Shrek); the rough and the smooth invariably make for brighter sparks (Titanic; Pretty Woman; It Happened One Night; Ninotchka; Maid in Manhattan). Similarly, one lover is probably an uptight workaholic, and his/her perfect mate is bound to be a slacker or a loose cannon (Knocked Up; No Reservations; Stranger Than Fiction etc). In screwball classic Bringing Up Baby Katharine Hepburn's dizzy heiress learns from a shrink that "the love impulse in men frequently reveals itself in terms of conflict", an insight that fuels not only her own catastrophic pursuit of Cary Grant in that film, but decades of misunderstanding in the Hollywood rom-com. According to these movies lasting relationships are most often based on loathing at first sight (see Singin' in the Rain; When Harry met Sally; You've Got Mail; The African Queen; To Catch a Thief) or at the very least, an embarrassing misunderstanding (anything with Hugh Grant in it). This is what screenwriters call "meeting cute", and it's something we mortals might easily misinterpret: That bozo who spilled coffee on your shirt this morning? Almost certainly your future spouse! The Ex
With such an unappealing alternative, you might be tempted to return to your ex - often the source of more than a warm shoulder to cry on in movies like His Girl Friday and The Awful Truth, or more recently, Mr and Mrs Smith and Broken Flowers. Mind you, renouncing that bond can also be pretty romantic - at least if she's Ingrid Bergman and you're Humphrey Bogart (Casablanca). Needless to say, dallying with best friends is a definite no-no (and anyway, they're usually gay). And adultery? The movies say don't go there: Fatal Attraction; Body Heat; Unfaithful; Double Indemnity; Election; Eyes Wide Shut; Notes On A Scandal… It's a rare film that can bring itself to imagine a happy ending for an extra-marital affair (unless of course the husband is a wife-beating bully: Waitress). 15 First Dates
Having selected your clumsy, poor, and antagonistic soul mate, you have to decide what to do with him/her. Dinner and a movie may be conventional, but it's not very cinematic - and anyway, there are tricky taste issues to be reckoned with (Taxi Driver). The most popular movie date is probably the funfair (in The Notebook for example), a splendid opportunity to show off your marksmanship and win a large stuffed animal - what every woman really wants! If that isn't happening, getting caught up in a sandstorm worked for Ralph Fiennes and Kristin Scott Thomas (The English Patient). Abseiling in an Italian church unlocked the heart of Juliette Binoche in the same movie. Holding up a bank wowed Faye Dunaway in Bonnie And Clyde, while for Jennifer Lopez and George Clooney, close quarters in the boot of getaway car got them both thinking (Out Of Sight). If that's too adventurous, you might consider sheep herding (Brokeback Mountain), or just, you know, talking (Before Sunrise). Sticking with the cerebral approach, John Cusack finally piqued Catherine Keener's interest with a trip into John Malkovich's head (Being John Malkovich). In Harold and Maude, Ruth Gordon shows Bud Cort a good time at funerals, but here are LOVEFiLM HQ, we prefer Colin Farrell's technique in Miami Vice: a quick dash over to Cuba in the company speedboat for a weekend of salsa, rum and sex with Gong Li. On the other hand, don't go overboard with the booze - especially if you think you might be in a Judd Apatow movie (Superbad; The 40-Year-Old Virgin). But don't panic if things do get a little sticky: Cameron Diaz blithely misinterpreted Ben Stiller's congealing hair embarrassment in There's Something About Mary, and Emily Watson forgave Adam Sandler for beating up the bathroom in Punch-Drunk Love. There's hope for any of us. Mood Music
The movies cemented the idea of "our song", but there's nothing to stop you borrowing "their" songs for your own mood-enhancing purposes: "As Time Goes By" (Casablanca) "What a Wonderful World" (Witness) "California Dreamin" (Chungking Express) "In Your Eyes" (Say Anything) "More Than This" (Lost in Translation) "Unchained Melody" (Ghost) "Sweet Caroline" (Beautiful Girls) "Hey You" (The Squid and the Whale) "Blue Velvet" (Blue Velvet) "Can't Take My Eyes Off Of You" (10 Things I Hate About You) Terms of EndearmentAnd now that you have Mr/Ms Right in the mood, all that remains is that you find the words. Of course, that's easier said than, uh, said, but these ten examples from Hollywood's best-paid scribes might help: 
Singles"I just happened to be nowhere near your neighbourhood" 
It's A Wonderful Life"What is it you want, Mary? What do you want? You...you want the moon? Just say the word and I'll throw a lasso around it and pull it down. Hey, that's a pretty good idea. I'll give you the moon..." 
Now, Voyager"Oh, Jerry, don't let's ask for the moon, Jerry. We have the stars…" 
In a Lonely Place"I was born when you kissed me. I died when you left me. I lived a few weeks while you loved me." 
Jerry Maguire"You had me at hello" 
Tin Cup"From the moment I first saw you, I knew I was through with bar girls, and strippers, and motorcycle chicks, and... When we first started talking I was smitten with you, and I'm smitten with you more every day I think about you, and the fact that you know I'm full of crapola only makes you more attractive to me. Usually I can bullshit people, but I can't bullshit you, and in addition you got, you got great legs" 
Annie Hall"Love is too weak a word for the way I feel. I lurve you, you know, I loave you, I luff you" 
Punch-Drunk Love"I want to chew your face, and I want to scoop out your eyes and I want to eat them and chew on them and suck on them" (Punch-Drunk Love) 
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