Madonna quits film industry

Movie fans rejoice: Madonna has said that she has quit the film industry.

Although she is undoubtedly one of the most talented and inspirational singers of this century, and the last, the same cannot be said of her acting efforts.

"I hate to admit it, but I've decided to give [films] up," she said.

But she refused to admit that her wooden acting performances could have something to do with her movies' failures, which have included the phenomenal flops The Next Best Thing and Swept Away.

Instead, her failure is apparently due to film critics being too ready to criticise her efforts.

"How can any film survive if everyone says it's going to be a flop from the very day the project is even conceived? It's already dead in the water," Madonna moaned.

Meanwhile, the singer has not been having much luck with her builders, who she claims have been disturbing her sleep.

One of her Confession show tours was almost cancelled last week because she was so tired, Madonna told concertgoers.

"I only got three hours sleep last night because I have got construction work going on in stereo at my house," she said.

But a builder for one of the construction companies said that they had been starting later in the day to make sure that her madgesty got her 40 winks.

"Usually we work from 8.30am, but we agreed to be quiet before 10am so Madonna could get her lie-in," he said. "We have a job to do. I am surprised she has decided to complain."

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