The Wicker Man on DVD (2006)

Liam Dawson from Lancaster, England , 01/09/2006

Is nothing sacred? How many more glossy Hollywood makeovers of British classics must we endure before they leave us alone? Carry on Nurse starring Samuel L. Jackson. 'Matron you Mother F***er.' Bugs Bunny in watership Down? This film smoulders with the very worst. All the quirks that made the original such a treasure are gone: The folk soundtrack; naked dancing; Edward Woodward's tingling pleas to God at the film's conclusion. Whereas the original managed weirdness with almost effortless ease, this retelling feels staged and awkward, with many of the performances lacking. (Including a paticularly lazy turn from Cage). To counter these shortcomings, they are forced to rely on cliched devices, most embarassing of which has to be the twins who talk simultaneously. Truly terrifying twenty-five years ago. Bizarrely, the paganism of the original has been replaced by a sort of uber-feminism, meaning the festivals and rituals that they perform are no longer historically accurate depictions of centuries-old traditions. They're just something a lady in face paint appears to have made up for a laugh. Every similar plot adjustment - a vain attempt to give the film it's own identity - prove equally misguided. Avoid this as you would avoid an invitation to Summer Isle.

  46 out of 52 people found this review helpful

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Oh Jesus Christ Nooooooooo! from England [Highly rated reviewer] , 22/02/2007

Good grief, words cannot explain how bad this film is!!

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If you've seen the (brilliant) original 1973 version, then this is a must, just to see how utterly utterly awful this remake is. If you haven't seen the original, then for heaven's sake rent it instead of this!

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I tried, oh how I tried to forget about the original and take this on its own merits, but it's just impossible, especially given the huge chunks of unthinkingly imported dialogue. Indeed this shows just what a shoddy job has been done with some bits devoid of context .

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eg. when the cop arrives on the island and is greeted by the all female group of islanders, he shows around the picture of the missing girl, and one of them replies something like 'oh yes, Willow Woodward, she quite slipped my mind' but without any questioning over the name or mother.

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The harvest festival pictures quite cracked me up - and works well as a complete analysis of the remake - a whole wall solidly covered with tons of them - sublety? not a trace of it - it's even insulting to american audiences!

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There's no tongue in cheek fun at all, all the playfullness of the original is stripped out, all the explanatory pagan / heathen bits are gone, there's no bawdiness, no singing, no dancing, and indeed no cleverness at all about the ending explanation about why the cop was summoned there, which was all part of the truly chilling ending of the original. Though at one point I did rant on to my mates about how the film had to be sanitized for the US market 'cos of their lack of celtic history (just surprised they made no native american references to sacrifice).

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It's incoherant, clumsy, and quite frankly embarrassing - but I had a great time watching it looking for all the dumb ass things they changed from the original just to justify the remake (from the desk scene to the final procession - I mean really, a f***ing gorilla suit!?!?! Are you kidding me?!?!?). In fairness there were two bits that I thought were nice additions, but won't mention here as it would give away too much of the ending parts of the film.

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How many more great brit films are going to be screwed up by the yanks? At least one hopes their awful remakes will push more people to see the originals, and in the case of this, I reckon it will.

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Right, I'm off down to the pub for a sing-song ;-)

  40 out of 53 people found this review helpful

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Keith Mason from Washington, England , 14/02/2007

As a fan of the original I was curious to see this remake.

I'm glad I watched it as it just shows what a masterpiece the first one was.

Are we going to get another remake in another 30 odd years time... is Hollywood just going round in (ever decreasing) circles ?

What a load of old B*llo*ks

The Pagan bawdiness and believability of the original has been replaced with an Americanised, cowardly, nonsensical, non-scary, badly acted abortion. I'm not surprised they didn't even try to make a soundtrack, imagine how that would have turned out.

I thought at one point that at least we are going to get a Queen Bee and drone sub-plot, but no.

And SummerSilsle, not Summerisle, do you think the yanks even noticed that they'd got the name wrong ?

And even the CRUTIAL '.... if the crop fails next year, then only the sacrifice of Sister Summersisle herself will suffice' meaning to the whole film was missing.

Can I just single out Kate Beahan and Leelee Sobieski for the worst acting I've seen in a long time, they looked like they were drugged or ad-libbing ?

I was pleased that Cage didn't manage to get rescued by Delta force just before the flames took him, I was half expecting it !

Please Hollywood... no more...

Keith

  27 out of 38 people found this review helpful

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A customer from England , 15/09/2006

Apart from the pointless shock-hook at the beginning ('Hey, guys, we've gotta get their attention in the first few minutes...!') this sort of follows the original's story (policeman searches for lost girl on creepy island) and, as you might expect from a US re-make of a classsic British film, totally screws it up. Making the island community a female one (with subservient men) destroys the whole point of the final fertility based ritual. Transfering it all to the USA doesn't help either, and calling the leading man Edward and the lost girl Rowan Woodward as a nod towards the original lead won't placate fans of the super 1970s version. Watch the original. Avoid this!

  19 out of 23 people found this review helpful

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JediSi , 05/11/2007

First, I never saw the original, so I am not even remotely upset that this was a remake that may or may not have done justice to the original. Of course, unless the original was as unconvincingly muddled through by the cast as this one, I don't see how it could have.

The entire film gives you the 'first take impromptu ' scene approach, where the actors aren't really trying to act at all, but merely reading through lines and getting their positions on stage correct. Yep, pretty bad.

The plot is.......well, about as forced as you can get, while somehow remaining completely implausible even to me, someone who can believe in werewolves if the movie is done well enough. Aside from showing Cages' character a video tape of them burning a little girl for witchcraft purposes, the residents of this island could not possibly hint at what they wanted him to think they were doing any more clearly, which makes the audience reach the conclusion that the policman Cage plays is supposed to be semi-retarded, as he can't seem to connect the dots at all.

Not very entertaining in the slightest.

  19 out of 35 people found this review helpful

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Nicholas Wig Head Cage from Gaylordsville USA , 12/05/2007

Anyone wondering if this remake lives up to the Classic 1970s Hammer horror flick will be delighted to know that it most certainly does!

Nicholas Cage pulls off a great performance playing Christopher Lee's character from the first movie as the leader of a pagan cult who has now become a cop.

He has to inject himself with Bee serum otherwise he will die, the best bit is the suprise ending that is changed from the original where a hornet wasp flies up his penus while he's wearing a grizzly bear skin.

So much for the different ending where Cages' character Edvard Phalus escapes! He just burns in the whicker Man like the original how boring!

Also features a cameo by Herman Munster and Billy Dee Williams.

The film was outstanding hence the 5 star rating and I'd recommend it to all!

  4 out of 4 people found this review helpful

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