Greek mythology has stood the test of time.
The story of Perseus – the bastard son of Zeus who takes on the mighty Kraken - will endure long after Louis Leterrier?s middling movie has been forgotten (or, inevitably, remade in 4D). But for now, and for young men especially, Leterrier?s version is the one that counts, and it will just have to do.
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It’s a mixed bag: three credited screenwriters have hewed close to the Ray Harryhausen 1981 translation – that is, they’ve taken the story as an excuse to showcase as many special effects sequences as they can muster. That’s not a bad strategy when it’s clear from the hopelessly laborious opening that they haven’t a clue how the Ancient Greeks spoke to one another.
The clunky dialogue is delivered in various shades of tone deaf Antipodean, English, Irish and European by the likes of Sam Worthington (Perseus), Gemma Arterton (as his spiritual guru/love interest), Liam Neeson (Zeus), his Schindler’s List costar Ralph Fiennes (channeling Voldemort as Hades) and the great, growly, scene-stealing Mads Mikkelsen (you remember him from Casino Royale).
Mikkelsen?s only serious competition in the scenery chewing stakes comes from the Kraken itself, a toothy sea monster who is built up for an hour and three quarters, then comes on for five minutes – wisely doesn’t say a word – and walks away with the picture.
In Harryhausen?s day, effects meant stop-motion photography of artfully modeled monsters, including a three-headed dog (excised here) and a golden mechanical owl (who makes a cameo appearance for old time’s sake).
Sam Worthington
Today’s CGI creatures may not have the same charm, but they’re considerably more agile and fluid, and the action scenes have tremendous dynamism. You’ll believe a horse can fly! A run in with giant angry scorpions is the movie’s first big set-piece, and it’s exciting enough to make you forget you’ve seen these critters before – or something very similar, in Transformers. Almost.
The three furies are deliciously ghastly, touchy-feely globs with one eye between them, and Medusa is a giant snake who slides around her lair like a heat-seeking missile – though I must say I preferred the aplomb Uma Thurman brought to the role in The Lightning Thief.
Like his namesake Percy Jackson, Perseus has daddy issues – he’s a demi-God who wants to prove he’s all man. And we can see why he would resist invitations to join the Immortals. Mount Olympus looks like a colossal bore, a resting home for eternity. You wonder what they find to talk about all day. At least on Earth there are monsters to mash, and more monsters, and more – I suppose that could get a bit repetitive too.
The worst thing about Clash of the Titans isn’t the cheesy talk though – you might argue that’s part of the fun – and certainly not the entertaining action scenes (director Louis Leterrier comes from The Incredible Hulk and Unleashed). No, it’s the abominable retro-fitted 3D that perversely flattens out the images into two planes, foreground and background, and gives the show a (surely unintentional) off-Broadway feel. It’s a pity to see filmmakers jumping on a bandwagon like this, and missing. You’d be better off seeking out the film’s 2D venues – or waiting for the DVD.
If you do see it – what is it with the falling down masonry? Surely ancient temples were new once. From watching this movie it’s a wonder any of it is still standing – and no surprise at all the Greeks lost their marbles…
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